S'not cool!

Incessant sniffing.  On the train.  I think it's up there with pretty much everybody's pet peeves.  I mean, come on... invest 35p in a pack of tissues, for goodness sake!  And although it's gross, if you have to, buy a hanky.  Whatever you choose to wipe your nose on, I don't really care, as long as it's not me and as long as the drip is not left dangling, waiting for a violent sniff to pull it back up to where it came from.  Over and over and over again. 

It drives me insane.  Winter is obviously the worst for snot-filled sniffers, especially when you're on a packed train every day.  I have been known to offer a tissue to a snotty stranger - isn't it better to offer someone a tissue than have to sit for an hour, listening to the content of somebody's left lung forcefully ebbing and flowing?  Gross.

I recently didn't quite name, but definitely shamed this guy on my Facebook page.  I watched as he dug for diamonds - and by that, I mean a full on, index finger right up in there, dig around - inspected the offensive gem and then proceeded to wipe it on the pole.  Yes.  That's right.  Who does that?!  I was so grossed out that after swallowing down the gag reflex, I retrieved a tissue from my bag and leaned over the aisle to give it to him.  He looked at me strangely and I was then forced to say 'Wipe what you just did off the pole, that's disgusting!'.  He feigned ignorance for a split second, then used the tissue to wipe the offending article off the pole where someone else's hand would imminently be placed.

So if you see this guy on the tube at any point, make sure you have your sterilising gel with you.  Mr Tie Man... you suck!  You're gross and I hope you fall face first into a cow pat sometime soon.

Reflections.... troubled souls and lost connections

I haven't been on here for ages.  I said a little while ago that I had writer's block and to a certain extent, I still do, but a few things have happened this week, which have given me cause to pause and reflect, which I don't often do.  I'm not a very introspective person and although, in the past, I have been guilty of over-analysing, I've done relatively little of that since I met Dave.  Contentment has meant that my mind doesn't need to go there very often. 

The past couple of weeks have been hard ones for a few people in my life.  A very special friend lost her beloved dad last week.  I don't think I've ever known anyone to be closer to their dad and I can only imagine how this has affected and is continuing to affect her.  All I can do is be there for her, on the other end of the keypad, offering her my support and love across the miles.  Then, on Wednesday, I received news that an old friend had passed away.  He was my very first 'real' boyfriend and became a very troubled soul, so I didn't have much contact with him in recent years, but it's still sad to hear that someone you grew up with and were once so close to has passed away, especially since he was still so young.  Facebook is an amazing phenomenon for bringing people together in times like this.  This person moved overseas quite some time ago, but as far as I know, was already going through a rough time when he arrived.  He certainly was the last time I saw him back in 2002, so apart from his family, everybody else who knew him here in England, only knew him as the person he became.  Or rather, probably more accurately, never knew the person he was.  Seeing the tributes, messages, outpourings of affection and shock from all of the friends back home is really humbling and I honestly hope that it provides some comfort to his family that so many people have such fond memories of him.  Kurt, you were absolutely a force to be reckoned with when you were younger and I was never going to succeed in taming you, but I will, of course, always remember you. 

I heard this on a podcast last night and it really resonated.  It is a quote by Henry van Dyke and goes like this...

I am standing upon the seashore.  A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.  She is an object of beauty and strength.  I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.  Then someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!"  Gone where?  Gone from my sight.  That is all.  She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.  Her diminished size is in me, not in her.  And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!", there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!".  And that is dying.
 
Kurt's death brought another very old friend back into my life (thank you again, Facebook) and I have had such fun reminiscing about the old days with him.  Dave doesn't often understand it when I explain how, where we grew up, everybody knew everybody else and they certainly knew everybody else's business!  I'm not sure I'd want it that way now as an adult, but back then, it wasn't an issue - although that may be because I was fairly inconspicuous in the grand scheme of things and never really did anything 'news-worthy'.  There was no need for phones, just a strong pair of legs and a good pair of flip flops to get you where you wanted to go.  You inherently knew that once you got to where you were going, all the familiar friendly faces would be there waiting for you to join the party - whether that was a real party or an afternoon swim at the local pool.  At the time, we all seemed so vastly separated by the schools we went to, cliques we hung out in, clothes we wore or who we were dating.  But now, 16 years later, the picture I get in my mind when I think of those days is one of a tiny, really close-knit community - almost as if we were being looked at by a kid with a magnifying glass.  We were the ants.  All of our stories, all of our relationships, all of our social events (Raywood and New Forest discos, anyone?) were connected.  I was thinking about the impact that some of these people had on my life back then and they had absolutely no idea.  Isn't it a fantastic thing to be able to tell somebody that, at one point, you couldn't imagine a week going by without seeing them or laughing with them or even just speaking to them?  Because that's what it comes down to... memories are sacred, nobody can take them away from you.  So my advice to you is that while you still can, make a go at rekindling those connections that make the good memories stand out more than any bad ones you're carrying around.

This week, more than ever, I'm absolutely grateful for all the great ones I have.

South African English... let it not be said that we're not unique!

I came across this in the form of an e-mail, so I can't take credit for writing it, but I thought it was so funny... and it really resonated, because I often used to get strange sideways glances from Dave and his family before they just got used to the way 'The African' speaks and they now just 'go with the flow'! 

When it comes to "hosing myself" or "going right at the robot and then left at the circle" or even just "waiting here so long while you go into Tesco", I'm pretty much on my own with a bunch of blank stares unless there is a South African in on the conversation!  So all my SA friends, particularly those who have ever lived outside of South Africa... ENJOY!

How do you explain the word "sommer" to someone who is not South African?  It's not only a foreign word, it's a foreign concept.  Perhaps the English never do anything "just sommer".  There really is no equivalent.... "Why are you laughing? Just sommer."

"Bakkie" is another one, very useful around this house for all sizes and shapes of containers and dishes.  Also used for what they call "utes" in OZ or "pickup" in England.  I find it an indispensable word.

We all know "voetstoots" of course.  It's been officially adopted into South African English.  There's no concise, one-word equivalent in English.  "As is" just doesn't hack it.  And it's such a humorous word, conjuring up images of pushing that brand new car home...

There's no good English word for "dwaal".  It doesn't mean dream, or daze.  It's close to absent-mindedness, but that's not quite it.  Being in one so often myself, I'm not likely to stop using it.

I think "gogga" is the most delightful word for insect I've ever heard.  Children all over the world should use it.  "Insect" just doesn't stand a chance.

And I think "moffie" is a far better word than all those embarrassed English attempts at defining a homosexual: gay, queer, poofter... none of them are half as expressive.   Somehow "moffie" doesn't sound as derogatory either.

And then there's "gatvol".  OK, I know it's very rude. But it's so very expressive, nê?
"Fed up" doesn't have half the impact.  "Gatvol" is a word used more frequently than ever in the workplace these days, with increasing intensity.

While we're on the subject, another phrase which outstrips any English attempt is "Hy sal sy gat sien".  "He'll get his come-uppance" definitely lacks the relish in comparison.

"Donder" is another very useful word, used as an all-purpose swearword, which again has no good English translation.  Used as a verb, it can express any degree of roughing up.  As a noun, it is a pejorative, as they politely say in dictionaries, to mean whatever you want it to mean.  And there's no good translation for "skiet-en-donder" either.

It says something about the English that they have no word for "jol".  Probably the dictionary compilers regard it as slang, but it's widely used for "Going out on the town, kicking up your heels, enjoying yourself”.  Although curiously, the word "Yule" in Yuletide is related to "jol" and derived from Old English.  So somewhere along the line, the English forgot how to "jol".  How do you explain the passion of "lekker!"?  "Wow last night was a "lekker jol".

I've yet to meet a South African over the age of two who doesn't use the word "muti".  Translation is impossible - "witches potion" is about the nearest I can get.  It needs a long cultural historical explanation.  Between "muti" and the pedantic "medication", there's simply no contest.

And of course, my personal favourite "Kak en betaal" , which just says it all, doesn't it?  A bland English translation would be "Cough and pay", or "Breathe and pay".  But it just doesn't cut it, does it?  Not by a long drop.

Other words that come to mind: "jou bliksem", "wag 'n bietjie", "nie so haastig nie", "just now", "sakkie-sakkie music", "ou swaer", "Ya, nee", and one of my personal favourites, "Poephol".

"Dudu".  Telling your infant to "go to bed" is just not the same as, "Go dudu now, my baby!"

How about “bliksem"?  "I'm going to bliksem you!".  Both wonderful Afrikaans expressions with nothing to compare in the  English language, at least nothing that gives the same satisfaction.

"Mielie pap" - there is no word like "pap", here.  They have porridge, and when  they say porridge, they mean oats.  There's no Maltabela, no Tasty Wheat, No Creemy Meal... in other words, there's no "pap"!

"Mislik" - such a 'lekker' word.  "Why are you so mislik, you little skelm?"

Which brings us to "skelm" - here you just get "baddies", but that doesn't have the same sneaky connotation of a proper skelm, does it?! 

And "snot-klap"... fabulous word!  "Do you want a snot-klap?"  How would you say that in English?  "I'll slap you so hard the snot will fly!"?  It's just not the same.

"Loskop" is another favourite.  The English just don't understand when I say, "Sorry, I forgot - I'm such a loskop!"

And finally..... "moer".  There simply isn't a word here that denotes the feeling of dread behind the phrase "If you don't clean your room, I'll moer you!"

Writer's block

I'm here.  I'm still alive.  I'm just stuck.  I have a travel update to do and a blog entry idea whirring around in my head, but until I become unstuck, I'll leave you with this...

I heart Cornwall!

Ahhh, gorgeous Cornwall… where do I even start?  Well, for one thing, I can totally understand why people choose Cornwall as their family holiday destination every year.  I can’t speak for other areas, although I’m sure they’re pretty similar, but Port Isaac, where we stayed, is a sleepy little hollow where everybody knows everyone, most people have a big cheery smile on their faces and life just seems to go in slow motion.  I reckon if people could survive on smiles and afternoon naps alone, Cornwall would be the ‘happening’ place!  Now all of this is said against a backdrop of almost perfect weather the whole weekend – if it had been raining, this blog entry might have had a very different mood attached to it.  As it is, I said to Dave on Saturday that we have to seriously consider moving to a country that has actual seasons – it was beautifully sunny at Land’s End, but I was in a jumper – my jumper and I could not be parted this weekend, despite the glorious sunshine. 

This was our second holiday with Lucy – although this time she was house-trained and a bit bigger than when we took her away to the Isle of Wight in November last year.  She’s so brilliant in the car, we’re very lucky that we can just pop her in the back seat and we’re away – no dog motion sickness to worry about – she just flops down and hangs a sign around her neck that says ‘Wake me when we get there’.

We both took the day off on Friday and headed out around mid-morning.  It took us just over 4 hours to get to Port Isaac from home, which isn’t actually all that bad, considering the constant traffic jam past Stonehenge.  I have always marvelled at traffic build-ups caused by rubber-necking – nothing causes the jam, there is absolutely nothing to prevent the traffic moving smoothly, but somehow, it’s bumper to bumper.  Stonehenge is right on the road, so every time I have been past there, it’s the same story traffic-wise.  Nothing to see except a bunch of rocks, but still bumper to bumper traffic.

We got to the cottage and unpacked the car – then it was nap time!  Dave took Luce for a walk and I went for a nap – because you can when you’re on leave on a Friday afternoon!  Ha!  That evening, we met up in Trebarwith Strand with an old friend of Dave’s (as in years they’ve known each other, not age!), her daughter, family friend and 2 dogs, Jakey & Pip.  While the dogs had a ball on the beach (quite literally sometimes… the other dogs were not impressed with Lucy constantly stealing their ball away from them), we chatted in the sun. 

It was a really gorgeous evening and we were even able to sit outside when we eventually got to the pub.  You really could make a career out of watching the Cornwall sunset if you’re not careful.  It was a really lovely evening, catching up with great friends and one gorgeous (and oh so bright) little girl.  At one point, Lottie turned to me and said ‘What’s your name?’, so I told her and she then whispered to me ‘I love you, Lindsay’.  What a cutie!  I was quite happy colouring in with her while Dave and Donna had a catch-up.

The following day, Dave and I headed off out to Land’s End, the first and last place in England.  A mass of shops and ice cream parlours all squashed into tiny spot on the edge of the country – most of which were shut!  Very fairground-esque, but a lovely place all the same.  We took a walk around with Lucy acting like a spoilt brat pulling on her lead and just acting like a puppy, I guess, but it was exhausting!  If we didn’t get that pup to a beach soon, I was going to lose the will to live.  

I was somewhat placated by a bubblegum-flavoured ice cream, which took me right back to my childhood!  It was always my flavour of choice for milkshakes and ice creams and while Dave gagged, I gobbled.  YUM!

We then drove on to St Ives, but unfortunately there were no dog-friendly beaches around, so Luce had to make do with being tied up within a few metres of the sand while we ate our lunch, bless her.  St Ives is lovely, albeit very commercialised.  There were just people, people, people, although that could have had something to do with the sunshine too!  The seagulls were out in force and I received a nasty package directly from the business end of one of them – ‘Welcome to St Ives… now bugger off’!  I bought a lottery ticket that night to be safe. 

Next stop was Perranporth Beach so that Luce could have a bit of a run-around.  I love seeing people out and about on the beach, especially when it’s a properly sandy beach, but it’s kind of a contradiction when I’m standing on the beach in the glorious sunshine… in a massive jumper.  I just couldn’t get away from the chill in the air… hurry up Summer!  Pffft… what am I talking about?  This is England, what’s Summer?

That evening, neither of us was particularly hungry, so we took a walk around Port Isaac when we got back and decided to get some takeaway fish and chips on our way home from a place called…. The Takeaway (they must have spent AGES thinking about that one).  On the way out, we checked the closing time and it was 9pm, so we were safe for a good hour or so.  We took a walk around the tiny little hamlet that is Port Isaac, it really is so sweet.  Tiny, cobbled houses, gorgeous shops selling local and handmade stuff with signs in the window like this…

On our way back up the hill to the cottage, we stopped in for some takeaway, except that it had a closed sign on the door.  At 8.32pm.  I knocked on the door because there were 2 teenagers still inside, cleaning up and I went in, asking if we could place an order.  They said that they had closed and I pointed to the sign in the window which still said 9pm.  ‘Oh yeah, I don’t know why that’s there, because we always get asked about that, but we’re closed now’.  Thank you, that’s very helpful, I’m incredibly relieved that you’re here to explain that so eloquently to me.  (No, I didn’t say this, in case you’re wondering!)  What I did say was that it is incredibly unhelpful to have a closing time indicated in the window and then close up 30 minutes earlier.  They obviously just felt like closing early and did so.  Such is life in a laid-back fishing village, I guess!  So that was that… no dinner options for us within walking distance, so we had to jump in the car and go and buy some very un-Cornish pizzas at the local supermarket to cook back at the cottage.  Fail, The Takeaway in Port Isaac, serious fail. 

The following day we were off to The Eden Project, which is somewhere I’ve wanted to go for years.  It’s a lot smaller than I had anticipated, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.  There are 2 main Biomes, as they call them.  The first stop was the Rainforest Biome where we had some Baobab smoothies.  I was slightly apprehensive at first, but they were delicious!

At the Rubber Tree section of the Rainforest Biome, there is a massive tyre where people generally pose for photos.  This sign was plastered to it, which I thought was brilliant!

We then met up with Donna and Lottie, who joined us in the Mediterranean Biome which is where, bizarrely, the South African plants are (geography lessons, anyone?). 

We then all packed off to Polkerris, where the dogs had a bit of a run-around, but again… much to their despair… it was a no dog beach. 

Now… let me just explain the situation here – Lucy is 8 months old, not spayed as yet and thankfully for us, has not yet come into her first season.  The reason I say ‘thankfully for us’ is because her new best friend Jakey is also a purebred chocolate lab, 14 months old and unneutered.  Cue some very close eyeballing of the situation under the table!!  We were good - no surprises in a few months, I don’t think!  While Dave, Donna and dogs sat at the table in the sunshine, Lottie and I had a whale of a time on the beach building the most awesome fort.  What a masterpiece, don’t you think?  It even had a flag and everything!

We got back to Port Isaac in time for Dave to get some gorgeous early evening shots at the harbour, when the sun was just about setting.  Lucy and I took the time to explore some caves there – although I must admit, I didn’t get too close!

And so came our last night in beautiful Cornwall and just like that, it was over.  What a lovely, chilled, amazingly relaxing place.  I felt like my batteries were certainly at least 70% recharged and a bit of vitamin D didn’t hurt either.  Cornwall, you’ve won my heart and we will definitely be back – we’re already looking at available dates for when we could make a return trip.

Dave, on the other hand, was just really chuffed with himself for buying a new sign for the house!

For my photos, click here.  For Dave's more pro ones, click here and here.

I told mom that I wanted to try my hand at blogging...

This is me... not sure mom got my best side... what do you think?

Oooh, packing!  What’s going on?  Huh?  Huh?  What’s going on?  Oh!  Mom’s just given me my lead, that means WALK!  Okay, I’m gonna run outside and get ready.  C’moooooon mom!  Hurry up!  Oh… into the car?  Okay, let’s go!  Where are we going?  Road trip?  Awesome!  Devon & Cornwall?  Who are they?  I hope they have treats!  (4 minutes later…) I’m over this, are we there yet?

(4 minutes later…) Are we there yet?  Wake me up when the fun starts.

(4 hours and 2 toilet breaks later…)  Okay, this is cool.  Seagulls.  Awesome!  Bloody hell, they’re noisy buggers, aren’t they?  WOAH!!  One just pooped RIGHT by my foot… eeeuw!  Oh!  CAT!  Awesome!  Oh- mom’s telling me off for saying hello to the cat… why does he look so scared, I just wanna play?!  YAY!  Dad’s got my lead, that means WALK!  Argh, really?  Back in the car again?  Okay… this better be good.  OOOOOH… BEACH!!  OOOH… other DOGS!  Maybe they are Devon & Cornwall – one of them looks like me!  Oh, their names are Jakey & Pip.  They’re also cool names, I guess.  Water!  Awesome!  OH MY WORD!  BALL!  I’m coming ball, I’m coming… I can hear mom shouting at me, but I don’t care!  GOT IT!  Don’t look at me like that human… it’s your fault for playing cricket on a dog beach- OH!  Mom’s taken it away from me, damn!  I must pay more attention next time, can’t let that happen again.  Oh holy cow, THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!!!  Quick mom… action shot!!

I love my mom! 

Back home again, sleeeeeeeepy.  Let me see if I can sneak upstairs onto one of the beds before mom reali- OH!  Damn.  Downstairs it’ll have to be for now.  DINNER!!  Awesome!  Dad’s got my lead, that means WALK!  But I don’t feel like pooping, you can’t force me, you’re not my real dad!  Right, you want me to wee?  Fine.  Is here okay?  Yes, that’s right, at the top of a steep hill so that I can see it run all the way down the road, so THERE!  Ha!  I embarrassed you, didn’t I?  Still don’t feel like pooping.  HOME!  Mom’s in the bath – oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I need to run upstairs and jump on the bed as quickly and ninja-like as possible so that mom and dad don’t realise.  Ha!  An hour later and they haven’t noticed.  And I’m snug as a bug.  Maybe if I just pretend to be fast asleep, they’ll leave me here for the night.  It worked!

Moooooooooom!!  Daaaaaad!!  It’s 5.30am and I need the toilet!  C’moooooon!  Argh, c’moooon, I’m desperate.  Okay, just for making me wait 5 minutes while you get dressed, I’m going to take my time too, show you how it feels.  That’s right, I’m going to hold out for as long as possible, until you’re annoyed- OH!  Mom’s not playing around, she’s really going to make me go back in the house without having gone to the toilet?  Man, she’s tough… I should just go, I’d just die of embarrassment if I had an accident inside – can you imagine?!  Mom and dad are having sausages for breakfast, I want one.  Yes, give me one!  Oh… they’re not gonna give me one.  You need to give me one right now, or else!  Do not, whatever you do, take that last mouthful – it’s MINE!  Bugger.  Mom’s got my lead, that means WALK!  Awesome!  My mom wanted me to pose with dad... oh my word, there's a hot chihuahua watching, how embarrassing! Just look cool!  What did you say?  BALL?! *click*

I just heard mom say Stives.  What’s that?  Sounds like something I’d need the vet to sort out for me.  VET!  NOOOOO!  Okay, we’re here at last.  BEACH!  Why are you tying me up, mom?  There’s a BEACH 3 metres away!  No dogs allowed?  What does that even mean?  HA!!  A seagull just pooped on mom… serves her right for tying me up so tantalisingly close to the beach!  Back in the car, argh!  Are we there yet?  BEACH!!  Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!  DOGS!  And more DOGS!  OOOOHHH, and balls!  BALLLLLLLLS!!  Oh my gosh, and WATER!!!  This is the life!  Back home again and I’m pooped… I’m just gonna sneak back upstairs and flake out for the night.  Night night!

MORNING!  Quick… I need a wee, my eyeballs are floating, mom!!  Oh!  Dad will do too, just LET ME OUT!!!  Ah awesome!  We’re going for a proper walk this early in the morning?!  Thanks dad!  Seriously, sausages again and all I get is biscuits?!  What is this hell I’m living?  Back in the car, this is old hat now, I know what I’m meant to do… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  Mom’s got my lead, that means WALK!  Awesome!  Back in the car for some more zzzzz’s.  OH HOLY MOLY… there’s Jakey & Pip!  YAY!!  Hello Jakey!  Hello Pip!  SO excited to see you guys!  BEACH!!  Awesome!  Argh, what??  No dog beach, AGAIN?!  But I wanna swim!

Ah well, Jakey and I can flirt under the table, I’m fine with that.  WOAH!  Is that a ball?!  Oh my gosh, BALL!!!!  Ball!  Bal- OH!  Mom’s taken it away from me and given it back to those kids.  Spoilsport!  Time to say goodbye to Jakey & Pip?  But WHY?  Mooooooooom!  Why?  Dad?  C’mooooon, can we just take them home too?!  Finlay and Summer won’t mind, I promise.  I checked and everything!  Argh, okay. *sniff* Bye Jakey.  Bye Pip.  See you soon guys!  OOOHHH, BEACH!!  Awesome!  Caves?  How awesome is that?!  Mom’s telling me not to go there and I think I’ll listen to her… there might be bats or something in there, gross!  Oh my gosh, this seaweed stuff tastes delicious!  I’m getting tired, can we go home now, please?  I’m pooped again, what an awesome day!  Goodness, I’m tired, I can hardly keep my eyes open… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

MORNING!!!  Oh, we’re going home today?  Ahhhhhh, can’t we stay one more day?!  I had so much fun!  What?  We’ll come back?  Okay, I’ll hold you to that!  Road trip again?  BORING!  Well, in that case, a girl has to get her beauty sleep, so wake me up when we get there….